Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Jessica pregnant bride!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jessica Simpson is not a supermarket rag superstar. This will be her 13th cover story this year, mostly about her marrying the wrong guy and having struggles with her weight. For the second week in a row, the two stories intertwine with the rumors that this time, her struggle with weight is because she is heavy with child. She has not confirmed or denied this latest flurry yet.

Bun in the oven alert™: Jessica Simpson is pregnant!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Jessica Simpson, she of the big eyes, white teeth, large breasts and small brain, is supposed to be pregnant. In Touch has this story exclusively and adds the details of "kooky cravings and a $14,500 crib" in the sub-headline.

She was also supposed to be pregnant back last December, which accounted for her hurry to get married.

Note that it will be October this weekend, she is not married and so far, she has confirmed no pregnancy.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Jessica Simpson postpones her wedding.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Yet again, a celebrity story is on the cover of a supermarket rag without any artwork, so it gets the nod for Least Interesting Story of the Week. I'm sneaking it into the extended Thursday line-up because we have two Jessica Simpson stories that disagree with one another.

Besides no artwork, OK! reported the same story two weeks ago. This means Us is two weeks late and a picture short.

For shame, I say, for shame!

Bells Aren't Ringing Alert™: Jessica Simpson's wedding on hold!

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson have been an item since July of last year. A lot of the stories about them focused on them rushing things. Supposedly, she was racing her ex Nick Lachey to see who would get married first.

She lost that race.

Now, OK! reports the wedding is on hold, which as far as I can tell is exactly what her family wants.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Jessica and Nicole catfight!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

Us tells it readers about a catfight between Jessica and Nicole. Of course, in the gossip world there are a bunch of Jessicas and several Nicoles as well.


The Jessica is Simpson.


The Nicole is Richie.

What they are fighting about, I have no idea. You'll have to buy the magazine yourself.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: Trouble for three soon to be brides.

Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star devotes most of the cover to three soon to be brides and the troubles that face them.

Christina: Secret ceremony

Jessica: Panic, tears and cold feet

Kim Last-minute dramatic texts from her ex!



There are also pink dots between the stories that have these headlines.

• Guess who's being betrayed by her man
• Revealed! Find out who's pregnant
  
  

Stay classy, Star!

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Bride wars: Kim vs. Jess!

Publication: OK!
Date: 25 July 2011

Could we go a whole week Kardashian free in the The Only Ten Magazines That Matter? Well, it is technically possible, it's just damned rare. We got as close to zero as we can without actually being zero when there is just a half a story about Kim Kardashian having a "bride war".

The other combatant is Jessica Simpson, so it kinda counts like half a story for each.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Jessica Simpson to wed in Hawaii.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 July 2011

Back in December, there were a bunch of stories about Jessica Simpson "racing to the altar". Here it is July and the wedding is still yet to come, so it seems like a pretty leisurely "race". The latest detail is the wedding will take place in Hawaii.

Best wishes to the happy couple.