Farewell to Bob Hope's widow 1909-2011

Publication: Globe
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Bob Hope's widow Delores died last week, and the Globe has a respectful send-off to her. No secrets taken to the grave, no battles among her children, just a dignified farewell.

Here's something I don't write every week. Well done, Globe editorial staff.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Pippa engaged!

Publication: People
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

People says Pippa Middleton is engaged. I have not found independent confirmation.

I would hate to see People become as unreliable as OK!

All the Teen Mom crap for 10 Oct. 2011

Publications: OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 10 Oct. 11

Four supermarket gossip rags decided to take a dip in the cesspool that is Teen Mom. Here are the headlines, three about Farrah Abraham and one about Catelynn Lowell, just in case anyone reading this can tell the difference between these half-witted bimbettes.

• OK!: Teen Mom Farrah: back with her baby
• In Touch: Farrah's baby: Ditched to party
• Weekly Life & Style: Farrah's regret: She wants Sophia back
• Us Weekly: Teen Mom Catelynn: Afraid Tyler will dump her

Note that there are three completely different takes on the Farrah story, and In Touch and Weekly Life & Style are owned by the same company. Some one need to work on getting their stories straight.

Meanest story nominee: Rick Perry's ties to the Ku Klux Klan!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 October 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Rick Perry! Commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive tells me that Austin is abuzz with sexual rumors about Governor Goodhair, but the Enquirer begins their attack on him by saying he's tied to the Klan.

I say "begins their attack" because the Enquirer is tenacious, if not always accurate. Other politicians they went after in the past couple of years include Sarah Palin, Al Gore and John Edwards.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Demi & Ashton's $290 million divroce!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 October 2011

It was thirteen months ago when Star broke the story about Ashton Kutcher cheating. For a few weeks, several of the supermarket rags piled on, but nothing came of it. This week, Star again accuses Kutcher of cheating and uses the majority of the cover to say it's the end of the marriage. Here are the headlines.

• They've been living apart for months
• Ashton's serial cheating exposed
• His secret fling with Britney Spears
• World exclusive: It's over!
• The final showdown

Kutcher has responded on Twitter with a link to the Public Enemy song Don't Believe The Hype.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

UPDATE: One week later, this story is on six covers, so whether a divorce actually comes of it or not, in retrospect this gets a Scoop of the Week label.

Meanest story nominee: William orders Charles to dump Camilla now!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

In the tabloids, the Camilla Parker-Bowles of 2011 is not so much a human being as a robot programmed to attack her daughter-in-law Kate Middleton. (I know I should stop calling her by her maiden name, but I really haven't got quite used to Duchess Catherine yet.) In any case, Wills has told jug-eared Chuck that he has to get rid of her NOW.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Joan Kennedy collapse after the death of her daughter.

Publication: Globe
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Last week, two women who were daughters of prominent Democratic politicians both died at the very young age of 51. One was Eleanor Poling, daughter of Walter Mondale, and the other was Kara Kennedy, daughter of Ted and Joan Kennedy. The Globe tells us that Joan has collapsed after this bad news.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Why Kris' family hates Kim!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! This is one of two stories about Kim'n'Kris this week, and while they don't completely contradict one another, they do point in different directions.

According to Weekly Life & Style, Kris Humphries' family has little love for his new bride, which means we can expect a steady stream of catty insider gossip about this year's most famous couple, reality TV division.

I hate to be the one to say I told you so, but these Orc/Hobbit mixed marriages never work.

Bun in the oven alert™: Kim's big news!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, says Kim Kardashian is in the family way and includes her husband in the picture on the cover, just in case readers might be confused about the paternity. Here are the headlines.

• It's baby time!
• The secret she can no longer keep: Her first child is on the way!
• (showing already)
  

I have seen neither denial or confirmation of these latest rumors.

Bun in the oven alert™: Jessica Simpson is pregnant!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Jessica Simpson, she of the big eyes, white teeth, large breasts and small brain, is supposed to be pregnant. In Touch has this story exclusively and adds the details of "kooky cravings and a $14,500 crib" in the sub-headline.

She was also supposed to be pregnant back last December, which accounted for her hurry to get married.

Note that it will be October this weekend, she is not married and so far, she has confirmed no pregnancy.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Jessica Simpson postpones her wedding.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Yet again, a celebrity story is on the cover of a supermarket rag without any artwork, so it gets the nod for Least Interesting Story of the Week. I'm sneaking it into the extended Thursday line-up because we have two Jessica Simpson stories that disagree with one another.

Besides no artwork, OK! reported the same story two weeks ago. This means Us is two weeks late and a picture short.

For shame, I say, for shame!

Love Bird Alert™: J. Lo's new man is...

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK! has a teaser headline, promising an exclusive story on who Jennifer Lopez's new fella is.

I never play the guessing game stuff, but I will finish the sentence.

J. Lo's new man is... a damn fool if he doesn't get as far away from this drama queen as he can and double quick, too!

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Oprah tricked out of millions by Gayle!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! If it's a nasty story about Oprah Winfrey, you can bet it will be in one of the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, this time in The Flagship, the National Enquirer. If we are to believe them, always a risky proposition, things aren't going well with The Big O and her galpal Gayle King. Here are the headlines.

• Oprah tricked out of millions by Gayle
• Oprah blasts: "You used me!"
• plus: Shocking new lawsuit claims Gayle's a con artist
  

Kick several corpses, why don'tcha? The Jackie tapes, both real and imaginary.

Publications: People, National Examiner
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The top and the bottom of the supermarket gossip food chain have cover stories about the Jackie Kennedy Onassis tapes that have been released.

Let's start with the headlines on People.

• Jackie's secret life
• New revelations, new questions
• Fifty years after the White House, the iconic First Lady still fascinates. A look at her life, her loves, her private pain and her enduring style

And then there's the low rent Examiner with the alleged inside scoop.

• Secret Jackie O tapes
• What wasn't allowed on TV
• Plan to make John Jr. president
• Who really killed JFK!
• White House affairs - his and hers!
  

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A ring for Jen!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Three different stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged upcoming wedding this week, but only In Touch makes it the biggest story on the cover. Here are the headlines.

• Inside the romantic proposal
• A "unique" and "meaningful" ring
• She calls Justin her "soul mate"
• Finally! A long-time friend shares how they fell in love on the set!

Maybe it's just me, but seeing so many quotation marks around words makes it hard to take this story at face value.

Bells Aren't Ringing Alert™: Justin won't marry Jen!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There are three stories about Jennifer Aniston and her upcoming wedding, supposedly late this year in Mexico. Leave it to Star to put a turd in the punch bowl with a cover that says Justin's "pals" say he won't go through with it.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen's wedding in Mexico!

Publication: OK!
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! A lot of gossip stars make multiple appearances on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, with very different versions of their lives being told.

Let's start at the top with Jennifer Aniston. OK! says she's getting ready for a wedding in Mexico and the headline under her picture reads 'Brad won't ruin my big day'.

Her current beau is not named or is there a picture of him, so I run this picture of Jen and Brad from happier times.

Or from the time when he was a sluggard stoner couch potato and she was no help.

It all depends on who you talk to and when.

On the rocks alert: Nicole walks out on Joel.

Publication: Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last trash of the week... right now!

Star claims an exclusive story about Nicole Richie leaving Joel Madden, the couple who married last December. The website GossipCop.com says it's just a rumor.

Nicole has been nearly invisible on the covers of the gossip rags in 2011 and this is Joel Madden's first appearance this year. Nicole's co-star on a reality TV show called The Simple Life is also of next to no interest to the gossip mags so far in 2011.

This gives hope to those want to see the end of the plagues known as Teen Mom and all things Kardashian.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: 9/11 mourners attack arrogant Kirstie Alley!

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Globe repeats a story that Kirstie Alley got on the wrong side of people at a September 11 tribute by demanding a helicopter ride entrance. There were restrictions on the air space and her request was denied.

Weekly World News alert: Hillary served monkey brains at Brunei state banquet.

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

I am at a loss for further comment.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Minka Kelly slaps TV staffer after he gropes her

Publication: Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Minka Kelly! Star has an exclusive story that the young actress who now stars in the latest version of Charlie's Angels slapped a staff member who groped her.

The way this story is told, she absolutely did the right thing, but in Hollywood "doing the right thing" sometimes translates to "hard to work with". Best luck to Ms. Kelly in her future career.

Rich people are rich: More stories of bad Hollywood parenting.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

There are two sub-headlines to the Weekly Life & Style cover story about what a bad job of parenting Suri Cruise is getting about other celebrity kids being pampered or spoiled.

Shiloh took 15 flights in one year. That does seem excessive for a five year old, but it's doesn't necessarily scar her for life.

And the more egregious story if true, Mason Disick has been made to undergo plastic surgery at the age of 21 months.

Dr. Oz: 12 tips on how to live to be 100.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Welcome back to gossip hell, Dr. Oz! Last year, the Enquirer had a story calling him a fraud and People reported on a pre-cancerous polyp on his colon. This year, he gets his first mention on the cover of a supermarket rag at the end of September, a positive headline from the low rent Examiner giving advice on how to live to be 100.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kathie Lee to replace Regis... and he's furious!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Daytime TV is for an older demographic, and that demographic reads the low rent Examiner. Regis Philbin is leaving his successful show and the rumor is he will be replaced by his former partner Kathie Lee Gifford, a development of which he disapproves. Here are the headlines.

• She'll RUIN the show, he rages
• Last Show: Nov. 18, 2011
  

Other sources confirm the last show's date, but no mention of his replacement has yet been made.

Doctors fear Leann is anorexic!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The best publicity a female celebrity can get in the gossip rags is that she's in love, she's getting married or she's having a baby, hopefully in that order. The worst publicity she can get is that she's a home wrecker, bat shit crazy or at the wrong weight.

The best news we have for Leann Rimes is that she isn't bat shit crazy. She stole Eddie Cibrian from his wife and she's way too skinny, which is the reason she's on the cover of Weekly Life & Style this week.

Inside the Emmy parties.

Publication: People
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Julianna Margulies! The star of the TV show The Good Wife is on the cover of People this week in reference to the parties after the Emmy Awards, where she won best actress in a drama series.

Hey Old Timer Gossip: Mary Tyler Moore new health drama!

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Globe once again tells us about the health problems of people who became famous back before I graduated high school, which is a very long time ago. They have a picture of Mary Tyler Moore with some unidentified swelling on her cheek and the caption "Photo shocker!" They do not use the words deadly or dying on the cover and they do not say she was hospitalized, so this is just another of the indignities of growing old in the public eye, more or less.

Best wishes to Miss Moore, from a fan.

On the rocks alert: Jessica (Biel) betrayed!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Us Weekly has yet another story about man slut Justin Timberlake cheating on Jessica Biel.

I blush to write this because actresses are among the most attractive women in the public eye, but Jessica Biel doesn't do that much for me. Maybe she just doesn't take a good picture.

On the other hand, Justin's alleged latest conquest, Scarlett Johansson, takes a very good picture. Quite often when a celebrity couple breaks up, one party is portrayed as the cheater and the other as the wronged party. In the case of Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett, they both come off as kind of slutty, though Reynolds does get positive stories as a good male role model for Sandra Bullock's adopted son Louis.

Bad Mom and Dad alert: Inside Suri's twisted world.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Last year, many stories about TomKat followed the narrative that Katie Holmes was an innocent trapped in a nasty cult. This year, the story has changed and most of the stories about the couple focus on their bizarre ideas about child rearing and how much of a spoiled brat five year old Suri Cruise has become. Here are the headlines.

• Crazy new details
• Trapped in Tom and Katies warped world
• Katie yanks Suri from school for Fashion Week
• Encouraged to wear dark lipstick and heels
• Cupcakes for breakfast and dinner at 1 a.m.
• Now Suri's acting out
  
  

She Fought The Law Alert™: Casey Anthony's life in hiding.

Publication: People
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The majority of the stories about Casey Anthony have been in the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids - The Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner - but this week it's People's turn to keep her name in the public's mind. Here are the headlines.

• Despised and alone
• Her plan to leave the country
• Estranged from her parents
• Afraid for her safety
  

The rebirth of birther crap: Cops' secret Obama file!

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

You might have thought the birth certificate complaints would have gone away earlier this year and only crazy people would still believe it and the press would ignore them.

Well, you do get partial credit for that answer. The Globe found someone besides Sheriff Joe Arpaio who wants to spend taxpayer dollars proving that Barack Hussein Cromwell Obama is an unlawful usurper. Here are the headlines.

• Second official probe into phony birth certificate
• The police evidence: 185 pages
• Panic in White House
• Plus: Prez caught in $535 million 'kickback' scandal
  
  

Least interesting cover story of the week: Dancing With The Stars rehab shockers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Enquirer did not put any artwork with this headline about Dancing With The Stars,though there is the sub-headline "boozing, drugs and mental problems".

This had a chance to be the Meanest Story of the Week if they had named names, but without specific targets, it becomes the "Least interesting story of the week".

The Teen Mom noise continues.

Publication: OK!
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Last week, Weekly Life & Style had Farrah Abraham from Teen Mom on the cover with the story that she was giving up her baby. This week, OK! does an "exclusive" follow-up that her family is demanding she take her daughter Sophia back.

Other than the Kardashians, this is the show the supermarket rags like to report on the most, followed closely by Dancing With The Stars.

We don't deserve to survive as a species.

Meanest story nominee and Comfy Shoes Alert™: Jane Fonda's secret gay life!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The low rent Examiner gets two nominees for Meanest Story this week, including one where they say Jane Fonda has (or had) a secret gay life.

Looking at this picture from her youth, you can hardly blame anyone for wanting to have sex with Jane Fonda.

Personally, I don't think it a terrible thing for a person to be gay and it's better to be honest about it than hide it in a perfect world, but this is clearly not a perfect world. Unless someone is making a profit from being a homophobe or running for office on an anti-gay agenda, I think people have a right to a private life and outing anyone else is just catty and rude, or as I think is more likely in this case, plain old bullshit.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee: Did an affair with a cop ruin Bill O'Reilly's marriage?

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Back in June, the low rent Examiner said that Bill O'Reilly's marriage was in trouble. More recently, the online semi-gossip source Gawker went public with O'Reilly's bribing the local cops into investigating the cop who was sleeping with O'Reilly's wife.

I have to admit to more than just a little schadenfreude here, not just because Bill O'Reilly gets to wear the cuckold's horns in public, but because this self-important clown is only thought of as newsworthy by the low rent Examiner. This makes sense, since both their demographics have a median age of half past dead.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

[Tee hee.]

Meanest story nominee: Sarah Palin destroyed!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

To give the devil his due, let us stipulate that the National Enquirer is an equal opportunity hater. They can pour the hate on people all over the political spectrum, from John Edwards and Al Gore to Rush Limbaugh and now, Sarah Palin. Here are the headlines.

• Sarah Plain destroyed after new book exposes her secrets & lies
• Todd filing for divorce
• She WON'T run in presidential race
  

I have a hard time believing Todd will divorce her, but I think they are right about her not running. She's in this game to make money, not to burn through it in a presidential campaign.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest story nominee and Not Long 4 This World alert: Barry Manilow's deadly heart condition.

Publication: Globe
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Globe editors have decided their readers would really like to hear bad news about the great hit songwriter Barry Manilow. In June, it was a plastic surgery disaster. Now, he has a deadly heart condition.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

On the rocks alert: This week's Kim'N'Kris mishegas

Publications: OK!, In Touch
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Before a few weeks ago, the stories about Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were mostly positive, but now, everything is going to hell in a handbasket. Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Kim'n'Kris: Will the marriage be annulled?
• In Touch: Kim disses Kris' family

In Touch is the meanest of the non-AMI gossip rags, so when they get catty, it's not a big surprise. OK!, on the other hand, is the nicest if not most reliable American supermarket tabloid. If they are going after the couple, it's open season.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Angelina targets Jen's new man YET AGAIN.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Say what you will about the National Enquirer. I have probably said something worse. If they have a saving grace, it's that their stories are usually not just re-hashes of stuff that's already been printed elsewhere. Even when they cover the same material, they usually put a meaner spin on it. This week, they have Angelina Jolie trying to get between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. Here are the headlines.

• Angie wants Jen's new man!
• Explosive fight after Angelina invites Justin to dinner & offers him movie role
• Jen rages: "Keep your hands off of him!"
  

This story is ten weeks old, first reported by In Touch. Not the Enquirer's best work by a long shot.

Love Bird Alert™: Ryan Reynolds and Olivia Wilde

Publications: Us Weekly, In Touch
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! When Hollywood couples break up, the gossip rags tend to be more interested in how the woman is faring romantically than how the guy is doing. There are some exceptions to this and the most notable if 2011 is Ryan Reynolds, who divorced Scarlett Johannson late last year. He has been on the covers of the supermarket rags more often than she has. The latest alleged love for Reynolds is Olivia Wilde, his co-star from The Change-Up. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Ryan Moves on from Sandra - with Olivia Wilde!
• In Touch: Poor Sandra... Ryan & Olivia: It's On!
  

Notice how it's supposed to be Sandra Bullock's heart he is breaking with his new relationship. Scarlett is completely out of the picture, at least in the version on the covers this week.

Bells Done Rung Alert™: The secret wedding of Sandra and Ryan

Publication: Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! It's hard to tell what is true in the gossip rags unless you have heard it verified by the people involved or in more reputable sources, but you do have to admire the attention to detail in some of this phony baloney. Case in point, Star uses up most of the front cover to say that Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds secretly married recently. Here are the headlines.

• Sandra & Ryan's secret Texas Wedding
• Shock of the year
• Backyard ceremony
• The best man: Louis!
• Only 25 guests

I love the idea that Louis was best man. I hope he didn't get carried away when he made the toast to the happy couple.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Kirstie Alley 100 lbs. lighter.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Kirstie Alley has lost a lot of weight recently and the supermarket rags like to see that. Here are the headlines.

• People: Kirstie Alley 100 lbs. gone
• Us Weekly: Kirstie drops 100 lbs.
• National Enquirer: Kirstie bulimia fears
  Amazing 100 lb. weight loss

And once again, the Enquirer shows how they stay at the top of the table in the race for Nastiest Gossip Rag in America.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Brad hurts Jen's feelings with comments in Parade magazine.

Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on... Wednesdays!?! Yes, there is clearly the Story of the Week, so let's get an early start on it. Some combination Brad and Jen and Angie and Justin (Theroux, the odd man out when it comes to gossip fame in this crowd) show up on an astonishing seven of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and given that none of them are old enough to be interesting to the Globe and the low rent Examiner and Nostradamus foolishly forgot to make any prophecies about them that would be published in the Sun, seven is just about the max anyone can get.

The National Enquirer story is way different from the others, so it will get its own post tomorrow.

Brad Pitt was interviewed in Parade magazine in the publicity run-up to his new movie Moneyball and he made some comments about having no ambition in the 1990s and his marriage to Jennifer Aniston no being what he had hoped for. This has caused a stink and he has publicly apologized, but that doesn't stop the gossip rags from flying off the handle in a jillion different directions. Here are the headlines.

• People: Brad to Jen: 'I'm Sorry'
• OK!: Brad to Jen: I've been living a lie!
  Brad publicly apologizes to Jen
  The shocking truth is finally revealed!
  A humiliated Angelina is devastated
• In Touch: Brad's insults spark a new war
  Jen's man threatens Brad
  Inside their explosive Sept. 14 showdown
  Justin calls Brad a "wimp" and warns, "Shut your mouth!"
  PLUS How Angelina is still fueling the fire
• Weekly Life & Style: Why Brad's jealous of Jen
• Us Weekly: Brad trashes their marriage
  Jen demands an apology
  Enraged by Pitt's cruel attack, Aniston refuses to let him spoil her happiness
• Star: Jen rips Brad for trashing her
  The furious phone call
  
  

As you can see, this story is all over the place. Tomorrow, one completely different gossip story that includes Jen and Angie and Justin and leaves Brad completely out of the picture.

Annoying label bookkeeping for Jen and Brad and Angelina and Justin story of 3 Oct.

Link to the story above.

Love Bird Alert™: Why Holly chose Blake on Bachelor Pad.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last trash of the week... right now!

There's a new spin-off of the Bachelor called Bachelor Pad. I know nothing about it except that it's a bunch of guys and a bunch of girls who I assume had been on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. Two of them by the names of Holly and Blake decided to get together. I do not know anything about them and have little interest in learning more.

Going online, I see that the show's finale is either already happened or happening soon. For my taste, it can't be soon enough.

On the Rocks alert and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Jay-Z's secret love child.

Publication: Star

Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Jay-Z!  While his bride Beyoncé get mentioned on the cover of a supermarket rag every two months or so on average, This is the multi-platinum rapper's first story in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

 

And it's not an auspicious beginning. In an exclusive story, Star says Jay-Z is the father of a love child and this is a "shock" for his newly pregnant wife.

Bells Done Rung Alert™: The Wedding Album of Amy Smart and Carter Oosterhouse

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Amy Smart and Carter Oosterhouse! She's an actress and he's on HGTV, one of those cable networks I never watched even when I had cable. Us thinks it's newsworthy that they got hitched. Honest people can disagree.

Best wishes to the happy couple.

The Price Is Right sex scandal explodes.

Publication: Globe
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The Globe prints a story aimed at their couch potato target demographic. Lanisha Cole, a prize fondler fired from The Price Is Right, is suing for sexual harassment. The cover has pictures of Drew Carey and Ms. Cole, but Carey is not the actual target of the suit, the producers are. The Globe promises to have "bombshell court papers" inside.

Lady Gaga stole my man.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Lady Gaga is not one of the favorite targets of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter, but the stories about her tend to have a negative slant. Last year she was labeled a homewrecker, so calling her a man stealer is about par for the course.

On the rocks alert: Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

Us tells us that the romance of Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz is no more. Weekly Life & Style had the same story last June. Checking online, they got back together after the last split, but now have decided to go their separate ways again.

Annoying label bookkeeping for Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong story of 26 Sept.

Link to the post below.

Problems With Plastic Alert: Plastic surgery gone wrong!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 26 Sept. 2011

The low rent Examiner goes with a story about plastic surgery snafus, most of them on women older than I am, some who were famous before I graduated high school. There are pictures of Loni Anderson, Linda Evans (pictured above), Priscilla Presley, Courtney Love and Tanya Tucker, all of them looking a bit too much like Mickey Rourke.

Courtney Love is the odd person out on this list. Everyone else was famous in the 1960s or 1970s, while Love's fame started in the 1990s. Many from the target demographic for the low rent Examiner won't even know who she is.